Art was born in a lab as part of a top-secret government super-soldier program, where he became fluent in nine languages and mastered multiple fighting styles—mostly to win arguments. A devoted fan of Boston, black licorice, and competitive ballroom dancing, Art eventually abandoned the classified assassin lifestyle for the much safer world of skateboarding.

Art is a linguist, professor, and part-time ninja, combining academic rigor with the occasional need to disappear dramatically. Despite mild narcolepsy and night terrors, Art remains committed to excellence—or at least staying awake long enough to finish a sentence. A former tattooer, Art now creates weird collage art that nobody wants hanging over their couch, but they make undeniably cool T-shirts.

Art was abducted by Czechoslovakian drag racers as a baby and raised to become an agent of chaos, a mission he pursues with alarming dedication. Powered almost entirely by coffee and Fortnite, Art remains a formidable force—assuming he can first locate the remote his foul mouthed 15 year old son hid.